Being confident is a quality that you acquire when you have been through many varying experiences in your life. A confident person, who has faith in his/her abilities, is welcomed everywhere with respect. But being confident does not mean that you are immune to making mistakes or that confidence automatically equates to you being right every time.

Did I just debunk your (mis)conceptions about the ‘traits of a confident person’?

It is high time you learn the difference between success and self-sabotage, that is, the difference between confidence and ego.

It is not that I am myself a saint. I have my moments of egocentrism. But I have made certain check points to stop myself from going overboard. For example, if I feel that I am being resistant to any kind of feedback and feel offended to any kind of criticism; it means that my ego is at work rather than my confidence about my work. If I think that my way is the right way and no other member of my team can do the job the way I can, my ego is at work again. While confidence is healthy, ego is destructive. And the latter would not only be detrimental to your career, but it can destroy your relationships and eventually your peace of mind.

One of the first steps that one should take for checking your ego is to accept the fact that we all, being humans, make mistakes and that there is nothing wrong in acknowledging it. We can not always be right and the other person cannot always be wrong. We should understand that it is alright to agree to disagree. Just because the other person doesn’t have the same views and value system as yours does not mean that they are bad or wrong. It just means that you two are different individuals having different opinions. I speak from experience as one of my very good friendships went to ruins because ego got better of my erstwhile friend when we had an argument over a religious-political issue.

Many a times, I find myself apologizing to my friends after some small quarrel that we have had. That doesn’t mean that I am always the evil one in my friendship. ¬†Apologizing does not necessarily mean that I was wrong and that my friend was right. It just means that I prefer to value my friendship more than my ego. I am not saying that you lose all your self-respect and act according to the whims and fancies of the other person. Self-respect is very important and should be there to tell you when to actually abort a relationship. But in the name of self-esteem, you should not go around sabotaging your relationships. As they say, “it is better to lose your ego to the one you love than to lose the one you love because of your ego.”

Destroy your ego before it destroys you.

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